Explode.

The Lord has created me fearfully and wonderfully, and has created all parts of the body with different strengths and weaknesses. While my Creator has blessed me with many strengths embedded in my soul, one of them is not communication via internet, phone, etc. So although my blogs may be sporadic, the Lord is faithful and constant, continuing to wash over me, as steady as the waves as they kiss the shoreline.

OME 2012. What do I even say to sum it up... I get emotional even now, seven months later, as I think about what the Lord did. Each of those brothers and sisters now each carry a piece of my soul with them wherever they go. 1 Corinthians 12 talks all about the body of Christ and how we are all created differently and for different functions to reflect the same God. I've never experienced that like I did this past summer. Each one is absolutely beautiful.

You can't really tell from here, but lemme tell ya, those are some gorgeous people.

I lived out 1 Thessalonians 2:8 and shared not only the gospel of God, but my life as well with  two gorgeous women, Katelyn and Kelli, who, when the summer began, were both polar opposites. Katelyn was intimidated by Kelli's wisdom, and Kelli was wary of Katelyn's honesty. I remember thinking there was no way these girls would become best friends, but again, the Lord did immeasurably more. Just a few weeks into the summer, I came home to see my two chanchitas sitting on the floor together crafting, after having spent the whole day together and had shared their testimonies and things with each other that I hadn't even heard yet! I proceeded to sit back for the rest of the summer and be blessed as I got to walk with them and watch the Lord speak into them. We laughed, cried, danced, sang loudly, relied on Peeta and Gnorman as our watchmen, giggled about boys, ate tomato paste, hugged awkwardly, woke each other up for quiet times, held each other accountable, defended each other, and wore hilarious SDC costumes together everyday for work. They are both now passionate followers of the person of Christ on their campuses and desire to bring glory to his name and renown.

Me, Katelyn and Kelli. Long live the Chanchitas.

The Lord also revealed himself as my Healer. This story deserves a more relational setting, not just over a computer screen, but basically on July 17, I watched my Gbrother enter into the heavenly realms. It was the most terrifying thing I've ever been apart of. Romans 8:26 says that the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf with groans that are too deep for words, and for days, that's all we could do, just groan and cry to the Lord. My soul still groans when I think about that day and the days that followed. I've also never experienced Psalm 23 in such a real way like I did in that time.

                                     

"You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever." Psalm 30:11-12 

I have been drastically altered. Jesus has carried through months of suffocating sadness, rejoiced with me in small victories, and hooked my arms over his strong shoulders as he dances me through my days. I can spend all my days swaying in his arms. 

Oh Lord, haste the day when I can feel your arms and spend eternity at your feet.

The Return

Ladies and gentlemen, there are now 47 of the world's best college students in Branson, MO right now. I am convinced of it already, and it's only been a week!

Good ole Branson, MO. I wasn't sure I would be back after last summer, regardless of the fact that it was such an incredible summer and true to my prediction last June, I gained 30 of my closest friends. The Lord continued to encourage me through these people throughout the year, whether it be grabbing dinner or coffee with a few of them when I was in town, or making the long drive to Atlanta for Passion in January, I couldn't seem to escape the impact that OME last summer made on my life and heart. Nor did I want to escape! I made multiple plans for my summer, including several attempts to go on mission trips, but because I was seeking the Lord's face through it all, I knew that none of these things were where I was supposed to spend the hottest months of the year. It got to the point where I even committed to going on a mission trip, but Jesus has a way of wrecking your plans when you're not obeying His voice. :) So, I prayed and prayed and cried and prayed over returning to Branson as a team leader this summer, and sure enough, peace flooded over me. So here I am, Lord.

"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way." 2 Thes. 3:16

So far, my second summer at STP has been completely different from my first summer. Even from the very beginning, I felt differently. My first summer, I decided to go to STP because I knew I should at some point in my college career. My second summer, I had my knees knocked down to where I knew OME 2012 was the place I needed to be. I was scared and nervous as the summer of 2011 approached, and just plain apprehensive as this summer came upon me. And although Branson itself hasn't changed much since I was here last summer, and the Lord himself hasn't either, He is revealing himself to me in ways I never would have imagined last summer. It is amazing how evident Yahweh makes himself through my intense exhaustion. I am continually humbled by how his words flow through me and how his love seeps through my every cell. I yearn to be consumed by Him alone, even in the face of distractions.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noon day sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him." Psalm 37:4-7

Please be lifting up our program as we seek to love the Lord this summer and become 47 passionate Jesus lovers going out into our world. Pray for soft hearts in our coworkers and the people we come in contact with as we live among them "because the gospel comes not only in words but also with power, the Holy Spirit and with deep conviction." (1 Thes. 1:5) 

Pondering You.

As a girl, the future is sometimes hard to smile at. (Proverbs 31:25) In fact, as I sit here, I should not be blogging, I should be working on a million other little things that nag at my attention as finals week draws closer and closer. It's hard to smile when I feel that weight of school work and success. But, to be perfectly vulnerable, the thing that I find my mind wandering to more than stressing about other things is the future that has the shadow of a man in it. 


As a girl, I am surrounded by friends being pursued, engaged, married. I yearn for that companionship. I despise a little of myself for that yearning. I'm independent and stubborn, I don't want to fall into the normality of what's expected of me. Why do I wrap myself around that shadow so easily? Why can't I accept that he's up there, just chillin in my future, but that my Jesus has something infinitely greater for me to accomplish and go through before I reach that shadow? Maybe that shadow of the man is just that: a shadow without a name or face, and I will never put a name or face to him. So much of me wants to say that's okay, I have my Jesus, but I also long for that feeling of being found captivating. So much so, that someone wants to sacrifice his whole life just to be with me. Read that sentence again. Sound familiar? That's my Jesus! My Abba! My Emmanuel! How amazing that He can fill the gaps that I feel empty in. HE forever pursues me and is enthralled by me. (Psalm 45:11) That's no promise that I won't feel His hand in mine sometimes, but I choose to ask for the strength to take He wherever it leads me, whether that be to that looming shadow I yearn for, or whether that be going through life clinging to Him with everything I am.


As a girl, I am the bride of Christ. He fights my battle. Until I meet that shapeless man, I'll be waiting in the arms of my Savior. Love is patient...


Love Is Waiting by Brook Fraser - Listen to it, ladies. Or men. Be encouraged.

Let's be real here..

Sometimes, life is really hard to live through.
Sometimes, things will hit me, and all I want to do is cry. And I don't even have a rational explanation. I just want to.
Sometimes, I don't even know why I'm where I am, and if I'm even making the right choices. 
Sometimes, I'm lonely.
Sometimes, I can't feel God's warm and loving arms around me, as much as I tell myself that they're there.
Sometimes, I get to focused on myself.
My grades. My sorority. My comfort. My friends. My appearance. My future plans. Boys. All of them. They all go south at the same time.


"This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain 
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow.


I WILL rejoice in Him because HE is my comfort, HE is my victory. No matter the circumstance. No matter if I'm in the desert, when I feel that there's no way to escape myself. No matter if I'm in Branson, MO with thirty of the most beautiful hearts on this planet. I will be filled to be emptied again. I will sow because Someone is harvesting in my soul. In the driest times, it seems to be the hardest and I look back and can so evidently see the footprints of Christ all over my life. What?! How does that even happen? Only a King who is so sovereign would be able to fulfill me and give me rest while working so evidently around me and through me.

Philippians 4. I am learning the secret of being content in any and every situation. 

Trust

"Do you want a drink?"
"Do you have a season pass?"
"The bathrooms are straight ahead behind the trees. It's the building with the lattice on top."
"The Lost River entrance is straight down there on your left before the Icee stand."
"Have a good day!"

These are just some of the words that leave my lips on average about 200 to 300 times a day. If you think you'll get creative in your questions and ask "Don't you get hot in that dress?", don't feel so special. I get asked that almost as often as I get asked where the bathrooms are. No. I don't get hot. I'm in this dress for a reason and that's to make you feel like you're in the 1800s. It's not by choice, but I have to have a happy heart.

If you're reading this and thinking that I hate my job, you're wrong. I just laught a lot at how funny people are. I actually really enjoy it.  I am obsessed with getting to know all of my coworkers, whether it be by hearing stories of how wasted they got last weekend or hearing about their fight with their exes for custody of their children. I love smiling at people and dancing with their little children. I love telling people why I'm in Branson this summer and that I'm here to work and do Bible study and learn about Jesus. I've seen so many hearts be encouraged that come through my line, just by hearing that there are 30 college students dedicating their summers to growing in the Lord. A missionary family from Kenya came through my line yesterday. The dad was deaf, but had the sweetest heart for his family. His wife came and gave me their card and asked for my name so they could pray for me. Another mom asked how she could get her son connected with the Navs at his campus. I just love people.

"so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life." Philippians 2:15-16a
This verse says that as God's kids, we should look so different from others, that it's like we're these huge balls of light in the darkness. There's no mistaking it. My teammate Amanda pointed out this morning in Bible study that the darker it is, the more you can see them shine through. Why is it that tolerance and coexisting with the world is pushed so much? If we tolerate so much around us and glaze over the hard stuff because we just want to "show love", how are we going to come through in the darkest of times? My application for this verse this week is to seek out opportunities to show the love of the Lord to others and through that, look different. I want to live my life feeling awkward because if I'm not feeling uncomfortable with the ways of the world, that means I'm blending right in. Doesn't sound like a healthy star to me.

The biggest lesson I've been learning is the importance of trust. In a one-on-one with my team leader Libby, she asked me to answer the following question with whatever pops into my head. The question was "Where is God?" I spouted out "In heaven!" and then realized how wrong I was. Libby and I then proceeded to discuss why I seemed to ignore the fact that he's not only in heaven, he's sitting next to me, he's holding my hand. I think I'm too afraid to let God see what I do and think every day to accept the fact that he is with me, next to me, when I do and think those things. I want him to be in heaven, upset with me from afar and patting me on the head when I do good things. I want my salvation to be based on good works. I think that's why every religion is never based on faith alone. Going to church, doing good things, eating all your veggies, all those things always trip people up because people don't want to accept that God is striving with them side by side, wanting to save them. It's that simple. I struggle with the simplicity of salvation. It's hard for my mind to wrap around the fact that when God sees me, he doesn't see my sin, he sees Jesus and his blood that washed me clean. He sees Jesus's righteousness. He sees it on me!! Incredible. I'm learning so much about how weak I am, and how much I desire rest in his shadow. I want to be in his refuge and just have peace.

Thank you all for all of your prayers. They mean so much and I can feel them spurring me on through each day. My Abba is faithful to show me new things.

Honesty

Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me. Philippians 2:14-18

What a command to live by! Do EVERYTHING with out complaining, so that we can stand apart from the world, just like stars shining in the night sky. Eyes will be drawn to us. Even if I'm being poured out like a drink, I'm going to rejoice, because it is not in vain. WHAT?!

So, let me fill in the gaps between the last post in this one and why these verses mean so much to me right now. First of all, there are thirty college students who are being poured out like drink offerings right now in Branson, MO, hiding the book of Philippians in our hearts. Second, the command to not complain or grumble is especially difficult because over the past few weeks, work has become hard to be motivated to "serve wholeheartedly, as if [I] were serving the Lord, not men. (Ephesians 6:7) I've begun to work really long hours and physical exhaustion is hard to overcome. People began to annoy me, even just the little things that I should be used to by now, like not making eye contact with me or asking how my day was going began to take root in my heart and make me want to grumble about all day long to anyone who would listen. But, when I would feel this bad, the Lord provided the sweetest customers. One guy about my age walked into the Ribhouse and looked me straight in my eyes and asked me how I was doing, even before I asked him! Another customer later that day asked me about my name and wanted to know where it came from. Another one wanted to hear why I was in Branson this summer and what the program was that I was a part of. Even the littlest things, the Lord uses them to bless me with. It's especially convicted me of how how I treat the people I come in contact with, both when I'm working and when I'm not. Wherever I am, I want to be a light and use opportunities to do whatever I can to make that person's day better, never worse. I'm learning, in little steps, ways to shine like stars in the universe.

Fellowship within the program is absolutely incredible. Philippians 2 also talks about being united with Christ and loving each other with His love. I've experienced this in spurts, but never in such a close environment where we are truly all striving and challenging each other in our walks with our Abba. Yesterday especially was a picture of what it is to be a daughter of the King and a small glimpse of what eternity will be like. Yesterday, we split the group, and the boys had Man Day (which was chanted and will be continued to be chanted, I'm sure, any time the boys feel particularly manly) and the girls had Woman Day. We began the day off with zumba and then moved from that to a talk about intimacy with Jesus. The story in Luke 10:38-42 of Mary and Martha touched my heart because of the realization that so much of the time, I'm just like Martha. I so badly want everything to look good and clean for Jesus, because that's what He deserves. I want others to see my life and see it as a life that has Jesus in it and that I'm squeaky clean because I have it all together and know what Jesus wants with my life. But that's not what should be happening. Jesus wants me to come before Him, vulnerable and broken and HONEST. In "A Praying Life", a book that we're reading this summer that is currently rocking my world and view point on prayer, made the point that Jesus purposefully goes out of his way to bring attention to the little children that he is around. He wants us all to be the way that little children are, honest, blunt, and fully trusting and reliant of their parents. I want to pray like a little child and see my Daddy as my protector, but also as someone that I come to with everything without shame and without fear. He wants my heart. My whole heart.

Thank you all for all your prayers for me. I feel them and am encountering Jesus in so many new ways, and I know that's due to your . He is shaping my mind and heart and my soul is being bent towards Him so that all I can do is live for Him. If you could, please lift up my coworkers and a lady named Roz who I shared the gospel with last week on an evangelism challenge. She seemed really interested, and I'm praying that she will recognize that her heart and life was only made to worship and glorify Him. I've had really good conversations with some of my coworkers, but I need prayer that the Lord will provide opportunities to show love and speak truth into their lives. It's so amazing to be used by the Lord and feel His faithfulness.

I love you all!

Excited

A week and half has passed. A week and a half has passed? A week and a half has passed!

It's been so wonderful so far! Jesus has proved himself faithful once again in my weaknesses and provided me with so many blessings. Since last Sunday, I've met thirty beautiful people and begun our journey of growth this summer together. I've started my new job as a cashier at the Ribhouse at Silver Dollar City. I've gone canoeing for three hours down the Buffalo River, on which we turned backwards six, yes six, times on the rapids, but never flipped. My hands and knees got really sunburnt. I've had to forget my physical comforts and get up continuously early in the morning to encounter my Abba and then move from that to putting on a floor length dress to head out into 90 degree weather. (It's actually surprisingly not that bad. Although this could be due to the fact that I am in shade and have a fan pointed on me at all times..) I've gotten called Sheree many times, because that is the name of my roommate. I've learned how to share the bridge with people and gone out on Branson and attempted evangelism around town. I've had to learn how to climb gracefully up and down from the top bunk. I've begun to memorize the book of Philippians. In other words, I've had a lot of new experiences!

It's amazing to me that it's only been a week and half. My team is incredible. It's so amazing to see God's work so clearly through the girls that he put me with for the summer. We are all fairly different from each other, but are bonded together through our common love for Jesus. Everyone in the program is so eager to learn about how to be trained as warrior for Jesus. It's a contagious environment: one that has awoken me to my own lack of trust in Christ and see that HE is the ONLY thing that matters and will ever matter, and people's souls are real and being fought for and are worth my extra time to share His love intentionally and that it's dumb to be afraid of being thought of as odd. I'd rather be thought of as odd for my compassion and overflowing love from Jesus, than forever regret the moments that I could have spoken truth and love into someone's life. Regardless of this, it's amazing to understand the depth of Jesus' love for me and that he actually wants to work through me to bring others to him. What have I ever done to deserve the honor of seeing someone's eternity change before my eyes?! Incredible.

I'm incredibly excited for this summer. I have about eight more weeks left here in Branson, and they will continue to be stretching, but I am yearning to grow and be challenged, which has already begun to happen.

"And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: 'How beautiful are the feet who bring good news!'" Romans 10:15