Uncertainty

All the cool kids are doing it. I'm a cool kid too, right?

I've been arguing with myself for weeks now about whether I should start a blog or not and finally, on the last night of my month of summer at home, I decided to. Even if no one reads this, it will be therapeutic for me to digest through this summer's events. So here we go.

What about this summer is so monumental? Well, I'll tell you. I don't know. I mean, I can feel it in my heart that I will be changed two months from now in my outlook on life and its purpose, but I'm not sure what's going to happen between here and there. Tomorrow I will begin a summer training program with the Navigators. All I know is that I'll be working at an amusement park and when I'm not working, I'll be learning about Jesus in Bible study with my team and how to bring him to my campus when I return in the fall. Tomorrow afternoon I will be meeting thirty of my soon-to-be closest friends for the summer, even though I only know names and facebook profile pictures, and even that, I would be unable to match together. With this uncertainty, my pride and inhibitions come crashing down. I can't be confident in myself. In these times is when Jesus most evidently reveals his presence in my life. I've seen it this past year in moving to college, and I'm excited and nervous to experience it again.

Isaiah 41:10, 13
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand... For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."

I know I will have many mornings where the dawn comes before I'm ready and many days that I feel like each second ticks by in slow motion. Physically, I'll want to be hot and tired and grouchy most of the time, but I'm praying I won't feel it. Jesus is more than capable to take my weaknesses and turn them into beautiful opportunities. I'll have many times where I won't want to spend time with Jesus because I'm too tired or I don't want to hear what he has to say because it hurts too much and it's not what I want to hear.

Isaiah 40:28-31
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

The word "weary" is used four times in those three verses. Weariness can appear to be overwhelming, but when looked at with this promise, it is counteracted and overshadowed by words like "soar" and "power" and "strength". These are all promised with the Lord. Any time we're mentioned, it's with this promise that we will stumble, but God, the Creator of all things seen and not yet seen, will give us hope. And renewal. How beautiful!

Philippians 3:12-13
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

I don't know how to be content in every situation. I can be content when things are going well, but I don't know how to not be in want of a new day when I just had an awful one. I want to learn though and I know Jesus can teach me and give me that strength to be content .I think this is the secret, not to happiness, but to true joy in life. Contentment. What a peaceful excitement.

I embark on this journey to meet and encounter my Abba Father daily in ways I have never experienced. It will be hard. I'm nervous.

But I'm also ecstatic.

"And she smiles at the future." Proverbs 31:25