Pondering You.

As a girl, the future is sometimes hard to smile at. (Proverbs 31:25) In fact, as I sit here, I should not be blogging, I should be working on a million other little things that nag at my attention as finals week draws closer and closer. It's hard to smile when I feel that weight of school work and success. But, to be perfectly vulnerable, the thing that I find my mind wandering to more than stressing about other things is the future that has the shadow of a man in it. 


As a girl, I am surrounded by friends being pursued, engaged, married. I yearn for that companionship. I despise a little of myself for that yearning. I'm independent and stubborn, I don't want to fall into the normality of what's expected of me. Why do I wrap myself around that shadow so easily? Why can't I accept that he's up there, just chillin in my future, but that my Jesus has something infinitely greater for me to accomplish and go through before I reach that shadow? Maybe that shadow of the man is just that: a shadow without a name or face, and I will never put a name or face to him. So much of me wants to say that's okay, I have my Jesus, but I also long for that feeling of being found captivating. So much so, that someone wants to sacrifice his whole life just to be with me. Read that sentence again. Sound familiar? That's my Jesus! My Abba! My Emmanuel! How amazing that He can fill the gaps that I feel empty in. HE forever pursues me and is enthralled by me. (Psalm 45:11) That's no promise that I won't feel His hand in mine sometimes, but I choose to ask for the strength to take He wherever it leads me, whether that be to that looming shadow I yearn for, or whether that be going through life clinging to Him with everything I am.


As a girl, I am the bride of Christ. He fights my battle. Until I meet that shapeless man, I'll be waiting in the arms of my Savior. Love is patient...


Love Is Waiting by Brook Fraser - Listen to it, ladies. Or men. Be encouraged.